im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
