My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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