If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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