This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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