dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
