literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
