I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
