Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
