I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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