Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize