Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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