God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
