So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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