I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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