sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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