We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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