yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
