Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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