I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
