if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
