drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
