just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
