What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
