I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
