It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
