Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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