when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize