apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
honey bunches of taint.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
