Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
