She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
