It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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