just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
