did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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