I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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