I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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