yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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