dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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