The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
