you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
