My Higher Power is John Stamos
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
