I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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