Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
