Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
