that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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