I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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