tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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