dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
