so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
