would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
