What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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