there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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