His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
