You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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