Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
love makes seman taste better
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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