the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
