Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
