I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
