My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
