I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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