i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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