the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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