Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
