Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Your dad touched me again.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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