phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
