New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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