When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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