haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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