it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
