1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I need moral support for this bender
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
