1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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