i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
