I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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