when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize