I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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