it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
