God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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