I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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