Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize