He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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