I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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