after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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