Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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