good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
