I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
